Disown Your Own Identity..!! Decouple from most of them..

We assumed so many identities in our life. Do these identities can decide the course of our life?

All of us are in different identity when we are in different role, time, surrounding and relationships. We carry so much burden of these identities.

“Identity is not a static thing it keep on evolving with our interest, believes and incidents.”

Photo By Xavi Cabrera from unsplas

Not much later in life or not further in timeline I think even before we born we assumed our identity. It is pre-created with the religion of our parents, their occupation and their nationality. Then parents give us a name and that becomes one of our primary identity. Our gender is also one of the identity that we are coupled with.

In the schools and colleges we are given the identity of roll numbers and then after finishing graduation or acquiring skill we are given a identity according to our profession as doctor, engineer, writer, athlete and countless are there. Identities that we acquired by desire, ability, education and influences are “Extrinsic Identities” that changes with time and circumstances. If we decided to change our this identity we can do so and can choose to chase completely different destiny.

Sometimes our relations becomes our identity like mother/father, son/daughter, brother/sister, husband/wife and all the relations that exist to us. The identities that we acquired by our emotions or relations like being son, husband, brother or father are kind of “Intrinsic Identities” that remains forever with us.

We as a human tried so hard to imitate others identity and we failed to discover our own. We are in the middle of identity crisis in India as someone graduates in medical end-up being a administrator, engineer ends up as manager or banker and those who graduates in finance sometimes ends up as a artist. We live in the world of “Hybrid Identity”. Justification of either one sometimes becomes difficult to worn.

If we failed to justify our identities then identities started to justify our efforts and competence. This becomes more painful as we immediately started to identify ourselves introspectively.

In our daily life we struggle to keep our all identities alive and respected. But unknowingly our identities compete with each other to take control of our bigger identity.

From my own personal experience when i have been in office and working on my identity of being scientist then if personal emergency comes then my personal identities of being son and husband started to take over my scientist identity. This where the challenge to arbitrate the conflict of identity started. Priorities decide our identity.

Again when i became father then I realised to have new identity of being a parent. The sense of love and responsibility was overwhelming. At this point in life heart and “The-Self” identity started to find new dimensions to coherent with other identities.

Few lessons I find useful while dealing with various identities in my own life :

  1. Do not try to acquire other’s identities because their identities are unique in their own matrix of life. This happens when we idealised persons, have role models and have biased opinion about one school of thoughts.
  2. Prioritising identities helps a lot to make decisions when we are in the crisis when two of our identities try to negotiate with our mind to make themselves superior among others.
  3. “Keep your identity small” as Paul Graham told we let the politics and religion become part of our identity and we endlessly try to defend one religion or one political party because that becomes part of our identity. As no religion can defended as superior to other and no action of any political party can be justified fully.
  4. Decoupled from your identities is the most powerful way of tackling our identities. Sometimes we want to achieve or have something in life but after all the efforts and sacrifices we just can’t. These unfulfilled wishes occupied significant part of our heart and soul. This remains with us as long lost identity we can never have. These identities always take part with all the identities that we have and we should be grateful for. So we need to leave that identities in the past itself or decoupled with them.

Today humanity, as never before, is split into two apparently irreconcilable halves. / The psychological rule says that when an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside, as fate. / That is to say, when the individual remains undivided and does not become conscious of his inner contradictions, the world must perforce act out the conflict and be torn into opposite halves. /

– C.G. Jung 1959

Thanks for reading this essay. Leave a feedback and link of some of your stories/essays.


Paul Graham http://www.paulgraham.com/identity.html in this he outlines the effects of having an religious or political identity and how its effect your own identity.



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